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WTFLJ

Joining the hate-wagon (it's a wagon where everyone sits all bunched up and glaring at each other while the ones closest to the side scream vitriol at whatever target the hate-wagon has acquired, and it is pulled by a flaming horse that kicks people) for LJ's new bullshit. I've been using this site for a pretty mindbogglingly long time, when I think about it, and I don't know whether or not I'm mired in site-loyalty too deeply to extricate myself and go faceplant in Dreamwidth, but every new, inexplicable, insane reduction of this site's usefulness brings me a little closer to deciding.

Also I don't like being made fun of by the site's owners. I gave you money, you assholes. You have to earn the right to publicly mock your customers by providing fantastic service, and you're only just barely hovering around 'adequate' at the moment.

I think I might want to start making preparations to pull up sticks when my paid time runs out. Tips? Suggestions? (I'll probably be using the same name. It's mine.)

Saw a mudcrab the other day.

Trapped in Skyrim playthrough, send help.

(The leader of the Thieves' Guild is voiced by Stephen Russell, and his name is Mercer Frey. It's like some sort of fandom singularity.)

Tags:

"I am really wet."

I has a PS3.

More importantly, I has the means to play a PS3, which I lacked before.

It turns out Uncharted 2: Among Thieves is one of those games where, directly after finishing it, I have the intense desire to stick a syringe in my head and suck out the memory of playing it ala Dark City, so I can play it all over again fresh.

Although I have to wonder if Prototype has broken my moral compass, because I didn't feel bad about shooting all those mooks. Maybe it's the lack of blood? Or dismemberment? Hmm. Or maybe it's because these guys apparently don't feel bad about throwing a tank and one point four bazillion soldiers with machine guns through a sleepy Tibetan village to get at one ninety-year-old guy, who knows.

I guess my point is that one level had throat-singing in its soundtrack and it was sweet, especially because I could identify it when previously I had been flailing due to my complete lack of knowledge about Tibetan (or indeed most Asian) culture. There was also Nathan's notebook full of a) notes and hints about puzzles, b) practical reminders for a globe-trotting adventurer and c) extremely silly doodles about whatever happened to occur to Nate during a quiet moment. Some multilingual.

Tags:

LOOK. LOOKLOOKLOOK.

LOOK EVERYONE.

It's a Valve Meet the Team video! And it's new! And it's about the Medic!

It's Meet the Medic!

...It's also hilariously gruesome, more so than the ones in the past (and if you've seen the ones in the past, you know that's no mean feat). If you have something against exploding heart muscles, surgery on the conscious (if consenting), disembodied still-living heads and accidental implantation of pigeons into live humans, you might wanna go elsewhere.

If, on the other hand, that list made you laugh, go right ahead. It's even more gross and funny than you can imagine.

Tags:

Um, holy shit.

There's an intensely creepy and beautiful trailer here.Collapse )

Look at those colours. ...If it's anything as lovely on release as it looks there, I might need to look into a Steam account. Drat.

This just occurred to me.

Bioware:

I can name my player characters. I can name my dog (both of them). I can name Shale's pet rock.

WHY CAN'T I NAME MY SPACE HAMSTER?
I think the stupidest line I've heard in Dead Space 2 thus far (and there's some stiff competition) is a scientist saying, with a completely straight face, that only "smart people" will be able to withstand the Marker implanting information into their skulls.

Her words.

A scientist.

"Smart people."

Mmm. And just what is the metric for "smart," lady?

How about "After extensive tests, I believe the implanted information can only be withstood and translated by people with technical and practical intelligence; architects, mechanics, engineers, scientists...to anyone else (even anyone else whose intelligence is great in a different area, such as emotional or creative) it is so much noise, and the overload will eventually drive those who do not fit the criteria to violent, self-destructive insanity. I have yet to isolate the exact mechanism by which this occurs; further testing is needed. Please see attached list for traits proven common to the most productive subjects."

The character writing has improved, marginally, but the rest of the writing, particularly anything involving the MagGuffins or 'scariness', remains very very silly.

argh spiders argh spiders yay fluffy!

Penumbra: Black Plague sure is a great game, but upon finishing it I just want to hide under a blanket with a torch and a pick-axe.

Solution: dog photos.

Bandwidth-killing fluffy fuzzy wuzzy woofle.Collapse )

Tags:

Dog: I see that bath tub, shampoo, towel, bucket and brush you've got there. I am full of suspicion.
Me: Will cuddles mitigate suspicion?
Dog: TOTALLY!!!
Me: Will they also mitigate being dropped into warm soapy water?
Dog: TREACHERY!!!
Me: But clean, fluffy, nice-smelling treachery! Free of fleas!
Dog: My stench! My glorious stench! Alas! Woe! Curses and damnation!
Weather: HEY GUYS WHAT IS UP DO YOU WANT SOME RAIN HERE HAVE SOME RAIN
Me: ...I actually could have done without that.
Dog: KARMA!!!
Me: I'm still washing you, though.
Dog: Akdfhdsfhfdghfhggfnoooooooo

And that was how the dog and I became equally wet when I was only supposed to be washing the dog. At least the shampoo left me smelling of Aloe-Vera.

Adventures in Fallout: New Vegas

Tutorial in How to Kill Deathclaws When You Are Nano's Usual Charismatic Gun-slinging Genius Character Made from Wet Tissue Paper:

Step 1: Buy the very biggest gun you can. My choice was the Anti-Materiel Rifle, which is, from the stock to the muzzle, about the same height as my character and made for punching through tanks.
Step 2: Giggle. Wonder whether this counts as overcompensation if you don't actually have or want a penis.
Step 3: Make friends with the Brotherhood of Steel to get some Power Armour and the training to wear it. Put it on.
Step 4: Preen.
Step 5: Drug yourself up until you could actually see God and sell your pee to him for a thousand caps an ounce.*
Step 6: Down some Bighorner Steaks just to be sure. If you have Cass as your companion, drink all of your whisky and try not to imagine your liver leaping out from beneath your intestines to beat you to death in revenge.
Step 7: Save.
Step 8: BANZAAAAAAAAI!!!
Step 9: Die.
Step 10: And again.
Step 11: Try for a stealthy approach.
Step 12: Fail, because of your incredibly oversized gun and heavy, clanking armour.
Step 13: Die several more times until you've memorised the positions the Deathclaws will attack from.
Step 14: Finally succeed in killing them all.
Step 15: Victory dance!
Step 16: Die stepping off a cliff in withdrawal haze.
Step 17: Repeat from Step 8, until you remember to save directly after killing them all.
Step 18: Victory dance!

But actually, New Vegas is pretty cool when I'm not being spanked by the higher-level enemies. More later.

*In the game, that is. Chemical enhancement will not improve your performance in real life. Winners don't use drugs.